Home

Crunchy Coach Blog

Eat to Live

Go Green

Crunchy Parenting

Healthy Home

Happy Mind

Fit and Beautiful

Natural Healing

Article Index

About

Contact

Four Ways To Handle An Unhealthy Friendship

(DISCLAIMER: By "unhealthy friendship," I am referring to a platonic relationship between people of the same gender. Please do not use this article as an excuse to divorce your spouse. Abuse is a different situation and beyond the scope of this article.)

friends having fun

Everyone wants to have friends. In fact, we were designed to need friends. Research has firmly concluded that people who are in positive relationships with others are happier and healthier than people who isolate themselves.

Friends can to contribute to your life in many ways, including:

support during rough times;
a source of counsel;
holding you accountable to grow; and, last but not least,
sharing good times.

However, sometimes the need to find friends--especially when you find yourself in a new location among people you don't know--brings on a sense of desperation. You accept the invitation to Starbucks from the first person who comes along.

(I'm going to use the female pronouns because friendship issues by and large pertain to women due to the way they connect.)

At first, you enjoy your new friend's company. Sure, she may complain a lot, or have a tendency to gossip about everyone in the church, but at least she's willing to spend time with you. Better than spending evening after lonely evening in front of the tube or surfing the net.

After a while, though, you begin to feel uncomfortable around her. You may not be quite sure why; however, you are beginning to wish the two of you had never met.

Five Signs that you are in an unhealthy friendship

We all encounter struggles that bring out the worst in us, that cause us to see life through dark-colored glasses. Or, to go through a stage in life where we find ourselves more needy than we'd like to be.

However, if you are in a relationship with someone who consistently fits with any of these signs, it is probably an unhealthy friendship.

Constant complaining; glass is always half empty.
Always down on herself, on a constant search for empathy.
Hanging on to bitterness from past events which somehow pop up in every conversation.
Needy; always taking from the relationship and never giving back.
Regularly disrepects you in some way.

Regardless of your friend's behavior, a sure red flag that there is a problem is that you always feel drained and exhausted when you leave her presence.

Four ways to handle an unhealthy friendship

Depending on your personality and the specific situation, there are ways you can handle an unhealthy friendship.

1. Decrease the amount of time you spend with the person. Your gut feeling may be that you are the only person in your friend's life, and you don't feel right about just dropping out of her life. Make a compromise, and meet with her once a month instead of once a week. And don't answer the phone every time she calls.

2. Confront your friend with the problem. Do this in a kind and compassionate way. "I'm concerned what your attitude toward your ex is doing to your health and well-being." "I know you probably don't realize it, but you often don't sound very happy about life."

If your friend is teachable, she will be open to talk with you about it, and hopefully be willing to work on her issue. If she gets defensive, then see #4.

3. Set firm boundaries.

"Gilda, I've decided that to participate in gossip is not conducive to my spiritual development."
"I appreciate your company, but I will only continue our lunches together if you agree to stop talking about your ex-fiance."
"It's ten miles out of my way to bring you to church and back. I'll be happy to continue doing it if you will help out with gas."

4. Break off the relationship. Do it in the most courteous way possible. To do it in person is awkward and uncomfortable. A phone call or e-mail is sufficient. "I'm so sorry, Helga, but I find our relationship really draining. Please don't call me anymore." "Please forgive me, but I think you need to find someone stronger to relate your problems to."

If you do e-mail and she sends a reply, don't even open it.

May I coach you? If you want to grow and find fulfillment in your life, you need to surround yourself with healthy, happy people. If you are in an unhealthy friendship, take action. It will be difficult, but in the long run, a wise decision.

Don't let your own issues hinder yourself from having positive relationships. You can find hope and help from the resources of Growth Central.com.

Discover the secrets t a vibrant, disease-free life. Click here.

Looking for resources and products to help you "green" your life and enhance your health? Visit
The Crunchy Coach Store.

From positive parenting to healthy eating to organic gardening, these e-books will enhance your natural living journey.